i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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