Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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