Heybabeimwearingurpanties
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
