if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
