His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
