C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
