JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
