what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize