wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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