You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
