He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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