I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
