if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize