my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
