I got chris browned last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
