The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish my penis had an off switch
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she peed on how many people?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
