very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
