I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
