This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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