never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
