Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
