My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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