Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
