dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
