It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
