party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
