When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
