I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
