I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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