I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
