Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
