Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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