im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
