Someone shit on the floor
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
