1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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