she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
