I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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