You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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