I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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