I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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