i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
