why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
