I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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