**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
