I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
