I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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