dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
