there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize