I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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