Porn is love you can see.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
