fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
