Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
