she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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