I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
