When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
