guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
