Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
