Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
