Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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