this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
