yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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