i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
