My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize