Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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