Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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