I want to have your abortion
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
