I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
