I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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