Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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