shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
