If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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