Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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