awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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