That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
