I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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