did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
