Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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