Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
