i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
